Persistence is one of those key Character traits necessary for one's likely success in life. Refusal to Give up, downright stubbornness, doggedness are all in the same stable and it is amazing how often people can be identified quite easily asto whether they have them or not. Yet we may have all these traits residing within us but not realise it.
Previous abuse of any kind can and does play havoc with the inner sense of self-worth. Those wrenching inner doubts caused by the abuse could have been dragged across the acutely sensitive parts of our very soul. The result would be that they left emotional scar tissue, seemingly handicapping us permanently. That can leave us feeling too worthless to try anything, let alone persist at it.
Yet no matter what form the abuse took and how hideous it was, it rarely damages permanently every aspect of ourselves or every opinion we hold about individual skills we have. It's true that sometimes, the nature of the abuse can leave us so seriously disabled in one part of our lives that we still do not feel able to give ourselves any credit at all for anything.
Todays thought is simply this: try reviewing your obvious skills and talents which undoubtedly you do have. These are ones related to things that most likely were in no way touched by the abuse. One by one, look at them more deeply. Didn't we acquire them in truth because we didn't listen to the inner voice about worthlessness. But much more important, don't we see that we did actually employ the very traits of persistence and doggedness to acquire those skills.
So they are there - inside you! What does that mean? How did they work when I thoought I was worthless and useless? Almost certainly they worked because we were doing things we really wanted to do. The power of our "wanting" was really what over-ruled and drowned out the voice of worthlessness.
So keep reminding yourself you are worthy and what happened reflected badly only on the perpetrator of the abuse. I hope that the gradual introspection will ease your pain and enable you to apply your existing persistence to these sensitive areas.
I wish you well
Gerry Neale
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Monday, 8 March 2010
Writing a Book From Your Own Experience
There are aspiring authors all over the globe who enjoy the art of putting pen to paper, but some shy away from furthering their pursuits because the idea of writing a book is an intimidating process. One of the first obvious questions an author should ask is, "What would I write about?"
Using a personal life experience, big or small, is one of the best methods an author can use when choosing the topic for a book. Each of our lives are metaphorically books, and different eras of our lives can be figuratively thought of as chapters within a book.
Human beings, by nature, are hard-wired for storytelling. We gain from learning about other peoples' experiences and receive the same amount of satisfaction when we, in turn, share our own experiences with those in our midst. Without storytelling, it would be impossible to effectively relate to one another.
While we all have common threads that make us alike - the desire to love and be loved, for instance - each person living on this earth has their own custom life story. In a world where millions upon millions of people inhabit the planet, that is a fascinating concept. In essence, we are all enough alike that we are able to relate to one another, yet different enough that we can learn from each other.
With this concept in mind, a book based on personal experience might not seem so far-fetched. Writing based on first-hand encounters not only come with ease, they can be therapeutic, particularly during a dramatic life event.
While I did not write a book on the topic, I did write a short story that was published in a newspaper after my grandmother died in 2003. She had suffered from cancer for more than a decade, and the story I wrote recounted what it was like visiting her in the hospital before her passing. After years of fighting, it was time for her to end her brave battle.
Tears dripped down my face as I shared with readers what it was like walking down that cold, sterile hospital hallway and encountering the warmth of my loving grandma one last time. The words flowed from my mind and onto the keyboard. It was a wonderful way to pay homage to a woman who made such a difference in my life.
Writing a book can be an effective method of sharing your story with readers. Search your heart, do some journaling and uncover what life experience you would like to convey through the art of storytelling.
If you're interested in writing a book, Profitable Storytelling is a fantastic site!
And for an incredible source of motivation, you really need to look at Blind Mentor. You'll be really glad you did!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terri_Rains
Using a personal life experience, big or small, is one of the best methods an author can use when choosing the topic for a book. Each of our lives are metaphorically books, and different eras of our lives can be figuratively thought of as chapters within a book.
Human beings, by nature, are hard-wired for storytelling. We gain from learning about other peoples' experiences and receive the same amount of satisfaction when we, in turn, share our own experiences with those in our midst. Without storytelling, it would be impossible to effectively relate to one another.
While we all have common threads that make us alike - the desire to love and be loved, for instance - each person living on this earth has their own custom life story. In a world where millions upon millions of people inhabit the planet, that is a fascinating concept. In essence, we are all enough alike that we are able to relate to one another, yet different enough that we can learn from each other.
With this concept in mind, a book based on personal experience might not seem so far-fetched. Writing based on first-hand encounters not only come with ease, they can be therapeutic, particularly during a dramatic life event.
While I did not write a book on the topic, I did write a short story that was published in a newspaper after my grandmother died in 2003. She had suffered from cancer for more than a decade, and the story I wrote recounted what it was like visiting her in the hospital before her passing. After years of fighting, it was time for her to end her brave battle.
Tears dripped down my face as I shared with readers what it was like walking down that cold, sterile hospital hallway and encountering the warmth of my loving grandma one last time. The words flowed from my mind and onto the keyboard. It was a wonderful way to pay homage to a woman who made such a difference in my life.
Writing a book can be an effective method of sharing your story with readers. Search your heart, do some journaling and uncover what life experience you would like to convey through the art of storytelling.
If you're interested in writing a book, Profitable Storytelling is a fantastic site!
And for an incredible source of motivation, you really need to look at Blind Mentor. You'll be really glad you did!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terri_Rains
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Domestic Abuse Counseling and Psychotherapy in the Age of Internet Technology by Jeanne King
I can remember twenty years ago having an elitist attitude about how I found my doctors. I only saw a doctor by referral. I was not the kind of person to find a doctor in the yellow pages. And I was accustomed to patients seeking me out through referral. Roughly 90% of my patients came to me through doctor or friend referral.
With the advent of the Internet and unlimited long-distance calling, doors have opened up for a new era of psychotherapy: Internet referral and telephone delivery. At first glance one might expect this to be "less" psychotherapy, however it's just the opposite. Here's why.
Specialization and Higher Level Expertise
Finding your therapist on the Internet opens doors to resources worldwide. No longer do you have to rely on the expertise of your immediate, local community. This provides the domestic abuse survivor and counseling consumer with options for securing services from the most qualified, most experienced professional in the particular area of expertise that matches their needs.
Now once you have done your homework and located this domestic violence counseling professional on the Internet, with the help of Google or your favorite social networking site, it's time to check out their credentials. Again, this is very easy with the Internet.
Essentially, all you need is to request their Curriculum Vita and instantly you can download a PDF file and review their qualifications, their education, credentials, experience, professional contributions, rewards, honors and associations. And you can digest all of this information conveniently without leaving your house.
Telephone Psychotherapy: Is It True?
Can you really do psychotherapy on the telephone? You're accustomed to being face-to-face with your therapist, so how can you trust the telephone delivery? Good question. Here's how and here's why it can be even better than face-to-face psychotherapy.
If you've ever been in psychotherapy, you know the importance of the relationship and therapeutic alliance formed with the therapist. Most experts say it's actually the vessel that births psychotherapeutic process. But do you need to be looking at this person for the psychotherapeutic process to happen? Absolutely not; to the contrary, it's best to be looking at yourself.
Since the birth of psychotherapy, the master psychotherapists placed their patients on couches reclined and facing away from themselves. You know the classic image of "Freud's couch" with the doctor out of the patient's view. This positioning facilitated inward reflection and intra-personal inquiry. The focus of psychotherapeutic process is between patient and self, not between patient and therapist.
While it is extremely important to recognize that the relationship between patient and therapist is the cradle for the self-discovery, know the role of voice and presence in creating that relationship. The trust, the rapport, the interpersonal sensitivity and perceptiveness all play an important role in establishing therapeutic alliance and can all be accomplished on the telephone.
Once this is cultivated, the other interpersonal dynamics between any two people can be distracting to the real work of self-growth, healing and development. Those with experience in rabbinical counseling know the value of the confessional enclosure and partition between priest and parishioner. What you say and what you get is between you and God, not you and your clergy.
If you are looking for help and wish to benefit from endless resources and convenient service delivery, recognize the benefits of Internet referral and telephone therapy. Your healthcare insurance carrier may also recognize this professional service. They call it "telephone psychotherapy."
So there is no longer an excuse for finding a good therapist. If you want one, you can find one and Google will help you. To learn more about domestic abuse counseling visit: http://www.EnddomesticAbuse.org/consulting.html and claim your free eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.
Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jeanne_King,_Ph.D.
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - EzineArticles Expert Author
With the advent of the Internet and unlimited long-distance calling, doors have opened up for a new era of psychotherapy: Internet referral and telephone delivery. At first glance one might expect this to be "less" psychotherapy, however it's just the opposite. Here's why.
Specialization and Higher Level Expertise
Finding your therapist on the Internet opens doors to resources worldwide. No longer do you have to rely on the expertise of your immediate, local community. This provides the domestic abuse survivor and counseling consumer with options for securing services from the most qualified, most experienced professional in the particular area of expertise that matches their needs.
Now once you have done your homework and located this domestic violence counseling professional on the Internet, with the help of Google or your favorite social networking site, it's time to check out their credentials. Again, this is very easy with the Internet.
Essentially, all you need is to request their Curriculum Vita and instantly you can download a PDF file and review their qualifications, their education, credentials, experience, professional contributions, rewards, honors and associations. And you can digest all of this information conveniently without leaving your house.
Telephone Psychotherapy: Is It True?
Can you really do psychotherapy on the telephone? You're accustomed to being face-to-face with your therapist, so how can you trust the telephone delivery? Good question. Here's how and here's why it can be even better than face-to-face psychotherapy.
If you've ever been in psychotherapy, you know the importance of the relationship and therapeutic alliance formed with the therapist. Most experts say it's actually the vessel that births psychotherapeutic process. But do you need to be looking at this person for the psychotherapeutic process to happen? Absolutely not; to the contrary, it's best to be looking at yourself.
Since the birth of psychotherapy, the master psychotherapists placed their patients on couches reclined and facing away from themselves. You know the classic image of "Freud's couch" with the doctor out of the patient's view. This positioning facilitated inward reflection and intra-personal inquiry. The focus of psychotherapeutic process is between patient and self, not between patient and therapist.
While it is extremely important to recognize that the relationship between patient and therapist is the cradle for the self-discovery, know the role of voice and presence in creating that relationship. The trust, the rapport, the interpersonal sensitivity and perceptiveness all play an important role in establishing therapeutic alliance and can all be accomplished on the telephone.
Once this is cultivated, the other interpersonal dynamics between any two people can be distracting to the real work of self-growth, healing and development. Those with experience in rabbinical counseling know the value of the confessional enclosure and partition between priest and parishioner. What you say and what you get is between you and God, not you and your clergy.
If you are looking for help and wish to benefit from endless resources and convenient service delivery, recognize the benefits of Internet referral and telephone therapy. Your healthcare insurance carrier may also recognize this professional service. They call it "telephone psychotherapy."
So there is no longer an excuse for finding a good therapist. If you want one, you can find one and Google will help you. To learn more about domestic abuse counseling visit: http://www.EnddomesticAbuse.org/consulting.html and claim your free eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.
Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jeanne_King,_Ph.D.
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - EzineArticles Expert Author
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Are Your Relationship Problems Your Parents' Fault? By Laura Young
I recently asked my blog readers what questions they would ask me if we had the chance to sit down and talk openly and freely. One of the more interesting (and brave) questions I got was from my sister who wanted to know if a history of infidelity in our family history led me to have a similar history in my first marriage.
My husband's reaction? He nearly peed himself laughing. My sister, meanwhile, was in knots over whether she offended me with her audacious query. My reaction?
Great question! And one I have often pondered.
My short answer is, "I'm not sure, but it sure looks like a karmic rollout to me."
I have a multigenerational line of marital unfaithfulness (not unlike a few, possibly many, of you, I might imagine), with tragic consequences in at least one instance. And, yes, I followed suit in my first marriage. Was that the result of karma or was I simply subtly socialized to think that behavior was okay?
Do questions like this diminish my responsibility for my actions or do they shed light on them?
Taking note of the family history of issues you find yourself struggling with does change your relationship with them. Yes, you could, if so inclined, simply point your finger and blame your parents, ancestors, or the Fates for your struggles. I hope you don't.
If you sincerely want to get a handle on your life where dysfunctional family patterns are concerned, you certainly can start by reflecting and acknowledging that you may well have been under the influence of powerful energies that tipped the balance in favor of you acting out this family pattern. It is possible the nature of the energies was such that you may not have even have realized they were working on you. (In my case, some of the family line were deceased before I was born, but I still was impacted by their stories.)
Once you've considered all this, remember:
Feeling yourself to be under the influence of "family karma" does NOT relieve you of responsibility for your actions.
In fact, it raises the level of importance that you DO take responsibility. How much of this weight is the next generation supposed to carry, after all? It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Family energy can ripple in all kinds of directions. It would be naive and irresponsible for me to believe any negative pattern of behaviour on my part would have no effect on my nieces and nephews. They look up to me and I care about them.
You don't decide if you are a role model, the ones looking at you decide that.
Action you can take:
In your journal, write the chronology of this issue you are facing (infidelity, addiction, early loss of a loved one, etc) as you are aware of it in your family. Do this as objectively as you can, steering clear of blame and bitterness. Who knows where the first sin occurred? (Okay, Adam and Eve, we'll blame them.) You are simply tracing a thread in order to understand it. Is it a thick or thin thread? Long or short? Who tried to resist its pull and succeeded? Who tried and failed? Who gave in? How did the thread change as a result of how people responded to it? Did it get stronger or start to fray?
Your relationship is with the thread. Take everyone else out of the picture right now.
What do you want to do with the thread now that it is running through your life, as well?
If you are sincere in wanting to break the thread:
What kind of help will you need to do so? In what way is the thread seducing you? What does it represent? What pain comes with resisting it? Who do you need to recruit to help you?
All that insight is great. Now, when will you begin?
Laura Young, M.A. is a personal development coach specializing in helping individuals restructure their lives after significant loss or transition. With 25 years in personal development and doctoral training in counseling psychology, Laura has written extensively on such topics as stress management, motivation, finding one's life purpose, achieving life balance, cultivating a healthy lifestyle and improving communication in personal and professional relationships. Please visit her blog and website to tap in to her extensive resource base.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Laura_Young
My husband's reaction? He nearly peed himself laughing. My sister, meanwhile, was in knots over whether she offended me with her audacious query. My reaction?
Great question! And one I have often pondered.
My short answer is, "I'm not sure, but it sure looks like a karmic rollout to me."
I have a multigenerational line of marital unfaithfulness (not unlike a few, possibly many, of you, I might imagine), with tragic consequences in at least one instance. And, yes, I followed suit in my first marriage. Was that the result of karma or was I simply subtly socialized to think that behavior was okay?
Do questions like this diminish my responsibility for my actions or do they shed light on them?
Taking note of the family history of issues you find yourself struggling with does change your relationship with them. Yes, you could, if so inclined, simply point your finger and blame your parents, ancestors, or the Fates for your struggles. I hope you don't.
If you sincerely want to get a handle on your life where dysfunctional family patterns are concerned, you certainly can start by reflecting and acknowledging that you may well have been under the influence of powerful energies that tipped the balance in favor of you acting out this family pattern. It is possible the nature of the energies was such that you may not have even have realized they were working on you. (In my case, some of the family line were deceased before I was born, but I still was impacted by their stories.)
Once you've considered all this, remember:
Feeling yourself to be under the influence of "family karma" does NOT relieve you of responsibility for your actions.
In fact, it raises the level of importance that you DO take responsibility. How much of this weight is the next generation supposed to carry, after all? It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Family energy can ripple in all kinds of directions. It would be naive and irresponsible for me to believe any negative pattern of behaviour on my part would have no effect on my nieces and nephews. They look up to me and I care about them.
You don't decide if you are a role model, the ones looking at you decide that.
Action you can take:
In your journal, write the chronology of this issue you are facing (infidelity, addiction, early loss of a loved one, etc) as you are aware of it in your family. Do this as objectively as you can, steering clear of blame and bitterness. Who knows where the first sin occurred? (Okay, Adam and Eve, we'll blame them.) You are simply tracing a thread in order to understand it. Is it a thick or thin thread? Long or short? Who tried to resist its pull and succeeded? Who tried and failed? Who gave in? How did the thread change as a result of how people responded to it? Did it get stronger or start to fray?
Your relationship is with the thread. Take everyone else out of the picture right now.
What do you want to do with the thread now that it is running through your life, as well?
If you are sincere in wanting to break the thread:
What kind of help will you need to do so? In what way is the thread seducing you? What does it represent? What pain comes with resisting it? Who do you need to recruit to help you?
All that insight is great. Now, when will you begin?
Laura Young, M.A. is a personal development coach specializing in helping individuals restructure their lives after significant loss or transition. With 25 years in personal development and doctoral training in counseling psychology, Laura has written extensively on such topics as stress management, motivation, finding one's life purpose, achieving life balance, cultivating a healthy lifestyle and improving communication in personal and professional relationships. Please visit her blog and website to tap in to her extensive resource base.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Laura_Young
Friday, 26 February 2010
Abuse Counselling? What and When to Tell
Counselling is supposed to be a private and confidential exercise with an independent and objective person. The vast majority of counsellors know that and respect it utterly. But for the person being counselled, that’s difficult to keep in mind. Yet, for us, is that all it is? I don’t think so.
As we contemplate the counselling session, and maybe the first one at that, we can be in torment inside. We try telling ourselves that our turmoil is all about our fear of what the counsellor might think of us when they hear it all. Will they believe us?
I believe two truths need to be exposed here.
The first is we need to ask whether we ourselves, not the counsellor, are ready to hear what we have to tell. Having maintained the secrecy so long, haven’t we been protected and insulated from our own memories. Don’t we sense a real inner reluctance and reticence about exhaling the emotional stench that has been buried deep inside us? Strong words, intentionally, but isn’t that how we can sense it? Also the worse the buried memories and the longer they have been hidden, don’t those words need to be stronger? Aren’t our answers: Yes. Yes and Yes?
Should this stop us in our counselling tracts? Good Gracious! No! We just need to admit that this is much more about admitting all this aloud to ourselves than about telling others.
Doesn’t this evoke awareness of a second truth?
Will I collapse emotionally in the face of all this? We can feel the emergence of fear from our sub-conscious. Somehow over all the years, we have managed to keep a semblance of emotional self-control. The fiercest feelings deep within us have been suppressed to enable us to try to live ordinary, if strained lives.
So, as we face this potential out-pouring, we are anxious, even in a sudden panic. If we let all this out now, exhale it, disgorge it, will we lose emotional control. Will it mean we can’t work; that we can’t face our family or our friends? The answer to that is that there may be some unpredictable and unaccountable moments when we lose it emotionally. But if we ask ourselves what is worse: that or continuing to burden ourselves with hideous secrets inside, what must be our response? It has to be OK to lose it occasionally.
And one final point: the abuse from which we suffered can indeed have been criminal in its nature at the time. But do remember the cause of the problem can have been entirely unintended by those we see as responsible, nevertheless. Key here is how we framed in our minds at the time what happened and what it has caused since.
And a tip: if initially the thought of trying to vocalise it all to the counsellor is going to be just too much for you, then try writing out your whole story and giving to the counsellor before the counselling starts. This will help them and will have a cathartic impact on you too.
Good luck and do take on board that the emotional gain and release from the process is worth 100 times the pain of getting started.
Sir Gerry Neale
As we contemplate the counselling session, and maybe the first one at that, we can be in torment inside. We try telling ourselves that our turmoil is all about our fear of what the counsellor might think of us when they hear it all. Will they believe us?
I believe two truths need to be exposed here.
The first is we need to ask whether we ourselves, not the counsellor, are ready to hear what we have to tell. Having maintained the secrecy so long, haven’t we been protected and insulated from our own memories. Don’t we sense a real inner reluctance and reticence about exhaling the emotional stench that has been buried deep inside us? Strong words, intentionally, but isn’t that how we can sense it? Also the worse the buried memories and the longer they have been hidden, don’t those words need to be stronger? Aren’t our answers: Yes. Yes and Yes?
Should this stop us in our counselling tracts? Good Gracious! No! We just need to admit that this is much more about admitting all this aloud to ourselves than about telling others.
Doesn’t this evoke awareness of a second truth?
Will I collapse emotionally in the face of all this? We can feel the emergence of fear from our sub-conscious. Somehow over all the years, we have managed to keep a semblance of emotional self-control. The fiercest feelings deep within us have been suppressed to enable us to try to live ordinary, if strained lives.
So, as we face this potential out-pouring, we are anxious, even in a sudden panic. If we let all this out now, exhale it, disgorge it, will we lose emotional control. Will it mean we can’t work; that we can’t face our family or our friends? The answer to that is that there may be some unpredictable and unaccountable moments when we lose it emotionally. But if we ask ourselves what is worse: that or continuing to burden ourselves with hideous secrets inside, what must be our response? It has to be OK to lose it occasionally.
And one final point: the abuse from which we suffered can indeed have been criminal in its nature at the time. But do remember the cause of the problem can have been entirely unintended by those we see as responsible, nevertheless. Key here is how we framed in our minds at the time what happened and what it has caused since.
And a tip: if initially the thought of trying to vocalise it all to the counsellor is going to be just too much for you, then try writing out your whole story and giving to the counsellor before the counselling starts. This will help them and will have a cathartic impact on you too.
Good luck and do take on board that the emotional gain and release from the process is worth 100 times the pain of getting started.
Sir Gerry Neale
Having Counselling? Three Simple Key Tests to Get The Best Results.
Having counselling help or counselling advice can be a daunting prospect. No matter why you are looking for counselling on how best to tackle anxiety, bereavement, or marital breakdown, or trauma of any kind, there are three painful dangers to be avoided. But there is good news! They can be avoided with huge benefits
So Key Test 1:
The first key test needs you to make a simple acknowledgement that you are prepared to own your problem and with help, gradually solving it as the counselling progresses.
A good counsellor should only mentor you and counsel you. They most definitely will not want take over your problem and seek to deal with it for you. (I will point you to where you can find one a good one relevant to your issue).
To reinforce the point totally, see a lawyer regarding a problem and he or she will not only advise you and help you, doing things on your behalf to alleviate your problem.
But that’s very different from psychological counselling. As the saying goes, we need to learn to stand on our own two feet, psychologically speaking.
So own your issue and its solution! Only then will you get the best result out of the sessions you have.
Key Test 2:
Having resolved to own your problem, it is then fundamentally important that you commit to embrace the psychology of counselling. Don’t sit waiting for the counsellor to tell you what you should do with your type of issue. What should happen is that you take the chance to hear what you yourself think and what you say aloud about your own issues.
Only then can the counsellor advise you on what best to focus on first and can you yourself get to work on reframing the situation in your mind.
Merely seeing someone professionally in the belief that the visit in itself will do the trick never works. It wastes your money and their time.
So, for each visit, go with the predominant thoughts and worries you have in your mind at that time and share them honestly and fully in the session.
And finally, Key Test 3:
This a trap one must avoid at all costs!
Don’t imagine you can just agree to occasional counselling sessions, never reflecting further in between and your problem will be solved. It won’t!
The truth is that if we want to make changes happen, then we can. But we have to treat the counselling sessions almost as psychological pit-stops, or cognitive refuelling stations. Vital is it that our time between the sessions is planned and allocated partly to thinking, partly to reading and even to talking with confidants where possible.
Change does not come in hourly sessions. It comes in a 24 / 7 commitment to draw on the vast and ever-growing reservoir of wisdom available to us and for us to adopt it into our thinking until it becomes positively habitual.in our behaviour.
So to conclude:
• Always own your problem and its solution, sharing it with your counsellor.
• Listen to what you think and say aloud about it, enabling the counsellor to
point you to the information you need to review.
• Plan time between sessions to think, to read and to share where possible.
I wish you the best of luck.
To find a counsellor go to www.counselling-directory.org.uk It is an excellent resource base.
Sir Gerry Neale has lectured and trained under-graduates and post graduates at the University of Westminster in cognitive thinking. He has mentored courses for corporate strategic planning and how to position the organisation’s thinking and that of the individuals employed by them. He has conducted counselling and life coaching programmes with individuals in person and on-line.
So Key Test 1:
The first key test needs you to make a simple acknowledgement that you are prepared to own your problem and with help, gradually solving it as the counselling progresses.
A good counsellor should only mentor you and counsel you. They most definitely will not want take over your problem and seek to deal with it for you. (I will point you to where you can find one a good one relevant to your issue).
To reinforce the point totally, see a lawyer regarding a problem and he or she will not only advise you and help you, doing things on your behalf to alleviate your problem.
But that’s very different from psychological counselling. As the saying goes, we need to learn to stand on our own two feet, psychologically speaking.
So own your issue and its solution! Only then will you get the best result out of the sessions you have.
Key Test 2:
Having resolved to own your problem, it is then fundamentally important that you commit to embrace the psychology of counselling. Don’t sit waiting for the counsellor to tell you what you should do with your type of issue. What should happen is that you take the chance to hear what you yourself think and what you say aloud about your own issues.
Only then can the counsellor advise you on what best to focus on first and can you yourself get to work on reframing the situation in your mind.
Merely seeing someone professionally in the belief that the visit in itself will do the trick never works. It wastes your money and their time.
So, for each visit, go with the predominant thoughts and worries you have in your mind at that time and share them honestly and fully in the session.
And finally, Key Test 3:
This a trap one must avoid at all costs!
Don’t imagine you can just agree to occasional counselling sessions, never reflecting further in between and your problem will be solved. It won’t!
The truth is that if we want to make changes happen, then we can. But we have to treat the counselling sessions almost as psychological pit-stops, or cognitive refuelling stations. Vital is it that our time between the sessions is planned and allocated partly to thinking, partly to reading and even to talking with confidants where possible.
Change does not come in hourly sessions. It comes in a 24 / 7 commitment to draw on the vast and ever-growing reservoir of wisdom available to us and for us to adopt it into our thinking until it becomes positively habitual.in our behaviour.
So to conclude:
• Always own your problem and its solution, sharing it with your counsellor.
• Listen to what you think and say aloud about it, enabling the counsellor to
point you to the information you need to review.
• Plan time between sessions to think, to read and to share where possible.
I wish you the best of luck.
To find a counsellor go to www.counselling-directory.org.uk It is an excellent resource base.
Sir Gerry Neale has lectured and trained under-graduates and post graduates at the University of Westminster in cognitive thinking. He has mentored courses for corporate strategic planning and how to position the organisation’s thinking and that of the individuals employed by them. He has conducted counselling and life coaching programmes with individuals in person and on-line.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
The Government Apology To 130000 People Sent To Australia
I confess I remain astonished at the low level and superficial coverage this story has been given by the Media. The Why's and Wherefor's of the history to this have escaped most people. The reasons why it was all stopped in 1970 and, at whose behest, would give us some better understanding at least as to what the institutional culture had been to have allowed in to continue prior to that for so many years.
Finding help for those back here in the UK the help they need now that the issue is recognised publicly. The inner turmoil and even grief that will have been released by all this is hard to imagine, but helping those in ways they want it, is vitally necessary if they are to live out the rest of their lives more happily.
Finding help for those back here in the UK the help they need now that the issue is recognised publicly. The inner turmoil and even grief that will have been released by all this is hard to imagine, but helping those in ways they want it, is vitally necessary if they are to live out the rest of their lives more happily.
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