COMMUNE WITH NATURE

To be in “sync” with the infinite scale of

natural beauty of our world

is vital for our health and well-being!

Find hidden places,

a small garden,

a corner of a park,

along a river bank

or beside a lake,

where you can saunter and sit.

Watch the birds and animals – and listen to their calls.

Imagine their lives.

We can walk past scenes of natural beauty many times
even in our homes or at work.

Examples can be in pictures hanging on our walls!

Promise yourself to spend moments each day,

taking notice of it, savouring it and being thankful for it.

Feel that pleasant and positive impact on you

as you enjoy it.

TO DO TODAY

CURE FOR THE DAY

Find that precious 15 minutes today,

even while commuting, walking to work,

or dealing with family issues at home or at work.

Then:-

 

 Focus on one thing that is not going right for you, or on one thing you haven’t done and yet should do..

 

 Think it through, even write it down from all angles.

 

 Decide what you would like to do about it and what should be done first.

 

 Then Commit To Do it! – CURE IT! Today!

Don't Live with It Festering Within You Any Longer!

SPIRITUAL ACT FOR THE DAY

Life bombards us almost minute by minute with material issues, temptations and challenges.

It’s so easy to forget the essence of who and what we are!

               Vow today to find a spiritual place for 15 minutes.
              
               Sit Quietly and take in the grace and spirituality

               It can be -a church, a mosque, a synagogue
                             -a park or river seat with a spectacular view.
                             -a peaceful walk through historic buildings.

               Don’t think about it too much. Just commune with it!

Today's Thought: Is The Importance Of Persistence

Persistence is one of those key Character traits necessary for one's likely success in life. Refusal to Give up, downright stubbornness, doggedness are all in the same stable and it is amazing how often people can be identified quite easily asto whether they have them or not. Yet we may have all these traits residing within us but not realise it.

Previous abuse of any kind can and does play havoc with the inner sense of self-worth. Those wrenching inner doubts caused by the abuse could have been dragged across the acutely sensitive parts of our very soul. The result would be that they left emotional scar tissue, seemingly handicapping us permanently. That can leave us feeling too worthless to try anything, let alone persist at it.

Yet no matter what form the abuse took and how hideous it was, it rarely damages permanently every aspect of ourselves or every opinion we hold about individual skills we have. It's true that sometimes, the nature of the abuse can leave us so seriously disabled in one part of our lives that we still do not feel able to give ourselves any credit at all for anything.

Todays thought is simply this: try reviewing your obvious skills and talents which undoubtedly you do have. These are ones related to things that most likely were in no way touched by the abuse. One by one, look at them more deeply. Didn't we acquire them in truth because we didn't listen to the inner voice about worthlessness. But much more important, don't we see that we did actually employ the very traits of persistence and doggedness to acquire those skills.

So they are there - inside you! What does that mean? How did they work when I thoought I was worthless and useless? Almost certainly they worked because we were doing things we really wanted to do. The power of our "wanting" was really what over-ruled and drowned out the voice of worthlessness.

So keep reminding yourself you are worthy and what happened reflected badly only on the perpetrator of the abuse. I hope that the gradual introspection will ease your pain and enable you to apply your existing persistence to these sensitive areas.

I wish you well

Gerry Neale

Writing a Book From Your Own Experience

There are aspiring authors all over the globe who enjoy the art of putting pen to paper, but some shy away from furthering their pursuits because the idea of writing a book is an intimidating process. One of the first obvious questions an author should ask is, "What would I write about?"

Using a personal life experience, big or small, is one of the best methods an author can use when choosing the topic for a book. Each of our lives are metaphorically books, and different eras of our lives can be figuratively thought of as chapters within a book.

Human beings, by nature, are hard-wired for storytelling. We gain from learning about other peoples' experiences and receive the same amount of satisfaction when we, in turn, share our own experiences with those in our midst. Without storytelling, it would be impossible to effectively relate to one another.

While we all have common threads that make us alike - the desire to love and be loved, for instance - each person living on this earth has their own custom life story. In a world where millions upon millions of people inhabit the planet, that is a fascinating concept. In essence, we are all enough alike that we are able to relate to one another, yet different enough that we can learn from each other.

With this concept in mind, a book based on personal experience might not seem so far-fetched. Writing based on first-hand encounters not only come with ease, they can be therapeutic, particularly during a dramatic life event.

While I did not write a book on the topic, I did write a short story that was published in a newspaper after my grandmother died in 2003. She had suffered from cancer for more than a decade, and the story I wrote recounted what it was like visiting her in the hospital before her passing. After years of fighting, it was time for her to end her brave battle.

Tears dripped down my face as I shared with readers what it was like walking down that cold, sterile hospital hallway and encountering the warmth of my loving grandma one last time. The words flowed from my mind and onto the keyboard. It was a wonderful way to pay homage to a woman who made such a difference in my life.

Writing a book can be an effective method of sharing your story with readers. Search your heart, do some journaling and uncover what life experience you would like to convey through the art of storytelling.

If you're interested in writing a book, Profitable Storytelling is a fantastic site!

And for an incredible source of motivation, you really need to look at Blind Mentor. You'll be really glad you did!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terri_Rains

Domestic Abuse Counseling and Psychotherapy in the Age of Internet Technology by Jeanne King

I can remember twenty years ago having an elitist attitude about how I found my doctors. I only saw a doctor by referral. I was not the kind of person to find a doctor in the yellow pages. And I was accustomed to patients seeking me out through referral. Roughly 90% of my patients came to me through doctor or friend referral.

With the advent of the Internet and unlimited long-distance calling, doors have opened up for a new era of psychotherapy: Internet referral and telephone delivery. At first glance one might expect this to be "less" psychotherapy, however it's just the opposite. Here's why.

Specialization and Higher Level Expertise

Finding your therapist on the Internet opens doors to resources worldwide. No longer do you have to rely on the expertise of your immediate, local community. This provides the domestic abuse survivor and counseling consumer with options for securing services from the most qualified, most experienced professional in the particular area of expertise that matches their needs.

Now once you have done your homework and located this domestic violence counseling professional on the Internet, with the help of Google or your favorite social networking site, it's time to check out their credentials. Again, this is very easy with the Internet.

Essentially, all you need is to request their Curriculum Vita and instantly you can download a PDF file and review their qualifications, their education, credentials, experience, professional contributions, rewards, honors and associations. And you can digest all of this information conveniently without leaving your house.

Telephone Psychotherapy: Is It True?

Can you really do psychotherapy on the telephone? You're accustomed to being face-to-face with your therapist, so how can you trust the telephone delivery? Good question. Here's how and here's why it can be even better than face-to-face psychotherapy.

If you've ever been in psychotherapy, you know the importance of the relationship and therapeutic alliance formed with the therapist. Most experts say it's actually the vessel that births psychotherapeutic process. But do you need to be looking at this person for the psychotherapeutic process to happen? Absolutely not; to the contrary, it's best to be looking at yourself.

Since the birth of psychotherapy, the master psychotherapists placed their patients on couches reclined and facing away from themselves. You know the classic image of "Freud's couch" with the doctor out of the patient's view. This positioning facilitated inward reflection and intra-personal inquiry. The focus of psychotherapeutic process is between patient and self, not between patient and therapist.

While it is extremely important to recognize that the relationship between patient and therapist is the cradle for the self-discovery, know the role of voice and presence in creating that relationship. The trust, the rapport, the interpersonal sensitivity and perceptiveness all play an important role in establishing therapeutic alliance and can all be accomplished on the telephone.

Once this is cultivated, the other interpersonal dynamics between any two people can be distracting to the real work of self-growth, healing and development. Those with experience in rabbinical counseling know the value of the confessional enclosure and partition between priest and parishioner. What you say and what you get is between you and God, not you and your clergy.

If you are looking for help and wish to benefit from endless resources and convenient service delivery, recognize the benefits of Internet referral and telephone therapy. Your healthcare insurance carrier may also recognize this professional service. They call it "telephone psychotherapy."

So there is no longer an excuse for finding a good therapist. If you want one, you can find one and Google will help you. To learn more about domestic abuse counseling visit: http://www.EnddomesticAbuse.org/consulting.html and claim your free eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

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Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - EzineArticles Expert Author

Are Your Relationship Problems Your Parents' Fault? By Laura Young

I recently asked my blog readers what questions they would ask me if we had the chance to sit down and talk openly and freely. One of the more interesting (and brave) questions I got was from my sister who wanted to know if a history of infidelity in our family history led me to have a similar history in my first marriage.

My husband's reaction? He nearly peed himself laughing. My sister, meanwhile, was in knots over whether she offended me with her audacious query. My reaction?

Great question! And one I have often pondered.

My short answer is, "I'm not sure, but it sure looks like a karmic rollout to me."

I have a multigenerational line of marital unfaithfulness (not unlike a few, possibly many, of you, I might imagine), with tragic consequences in at least one instance. And, yes, I followed suit in my first marriage. Was that the result of karma or was I simply subtly socialized to think that behavior was okay?

Do questions like this diminish my responsibility for my actions or do they shed light on them?

Taking note of the family history of issues you find yourself struggling with does change your relationship with them. Yes, you could, if so inclined, simply point your finger and blame your parents, ancestors, or the Fates for your struggles. I hope you don't.

If you sincerely want to get a handle on your life where dysfunctional family patterns are concerned, you certainly can start by reflecting and acknowledging that you may well have been under the influence of powerful energies that tipped the balance in favor of you acting out this family pattern. It is possible the nature of the energies was such that you may not have even have realized they were working on you. (In my case, some of the family line were deceased before I was born, but I still was impacted by their stories.)

Once you've considered all this, remember:

Feeling yourself to be under the influence of "family karma" does NOT relieve you of responsibility for your actions.

In fact, it raises the level of importance that you DO take responsibility. How much of this weight is the next generation supposed to carry, after all? It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Family energy can ripple in all kinds of directions. It would be naive and irresponsible for me to believe any negative pattern of behaviour on my part would have no effect on my nieces and nephews. They look up to me and I care about them.

You don't decide if you are a role model, the ones looking at you decide that.

Action you can take:

In your journal, write the chronology of this issue you are facing (infidelity, addiction, early loss of a loved one, etc) as you are aware of it in your family. Do this as objectively as you can, steering clear of blame and bitterness. Who knows where the first sin occurred? (Okay, Adam and Eve, we'll blame them.) You are simply tracing a thread in order to understand it. Is it a thick or thin thread? Long or short? Who tried to resist its pull and succeeded? Who tried and failed? Who gave in? How did the thread change as a result of how people responded to it? Did it get stronger or start to fray?

Your relationship is with the thread. Take everyone else out of the picture right now.

What do you want to do with the thread now that it is running through your life, as well?

If you are sincere in wanting to break the thread:

What kind of help will you need to do so? In what way is the thread seducing you? What does it represent? What pain comes with resisting it? Who do you need to recruit to help you?

All that insight is great. Now, when will you begin?

Laura Young, M.A. is a personal development coach specializing in helping individuals restructure their lives after significant loss or transition. With 25 years in personal development and doctoral training in counseling psychology, Laura has written extensively on such topics as stress management, motivation, finding one's life purpose, achieving life balance, cultivating a healthy lifestyle and improving communication in personal and professional relationships. Please visit her blog and website to tap in to her extensive resource base.

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Abuse Counselling? What and When to Tell

Counselling is supposed to be a private and confidential exercise with an independent and objective person. The vast majority of counsellors know that and respect it utterly. But for the person being counselled, that’s difficult to keep in mind. Yet, for us, is that all it is? I don’t think so.

As we contemplate the counselling session, and maybe the first one at that, we can be in torment inside. We try telling ourselves that our turmoil is all about our fear of what the counsellor might think of us when they hear it all. Will they believe us?

I believe two truths need to be exposed here.

The first is we need to ask whether we ourselves, not the counsellor, are ready to hear what we have to tell. Having maintained the secrecy so long, haven’t we been protected and insulated from our own memories. Don’t we sense a real inner reluctance and reticence about exhaling the emotional stench that has been buried deep inside us? Strong words, intentionally, but isn’t that how we can sense it? Also the worse the buried memories and the longer they have been hidden, don’t those words need to be stronger? Aren’t our answers: Yes. Yes and Yes?

Should this stop us in our counselling tracts? Good Gracious! No! We just need to admit that this is much more about admitting all this aloud to ourselves than about telling others.

Doesn’t this evoke awareness of a second truth?

Will I collapse emotionally in the face of all this? We can feel the emergence of fear from our sub-conscious. Somehow over all the years, we have managed to keep a semblance of emotional self-control. The fiercest feelings deep within us have been suppressed to enable us to try to live ordinary, if strained lives.

So, as we face this potential out-pouring, we are anxious, even in a sudden panic. If we let all this out now, exhale it, disgorge it, will we lose emotional control. Will it mean we can’t work; that we can’t face our family or our friends? The answer to that is that there may be some unpredictable and unaccountable moments when we lose it emotionally. But if we ask ourselves what is worse: that or continuing to burden ourselves with hideous secrets inside, what must be our response? It has to be OK to lose it occasionally.

And one final point: the abuse from which we suffered can indeed have been criminal in its nature at the time. But do remember the cause of the problem can have been entirely unintended by those we see as responsible, nevertheless. Key here is how we framed in our minds at the time what happened and what it has caused since.

And a tip: if initially the thought of trying to vocalise it all to the counsellor is going to be just too much for you, then try writing out your whole story and giving to the counsellor before the counselling starts. This will help them and will have a cathartic impact on you too.

Good luck and do take on board that the emotional gain and release from the process is worth 100 times the pain of getting started.

Sir Gerry Neale

Having Counselling? Three Simple Key Tests to Get The Best Results.

Having counselling help or counselling advice can be a daunting prospect. No matter why you are looking for counselling on how best to tackle anxiety, bereavement, or marital breakdown, or trauma of any kind, there are three painful dangers to be avoided. But there is good news! They can be avoided with huge benefits

So Key Test 1:

The first key test needs you to make a simple acknowledgement that you are prepared to own your problem and with help, gradually solving it as the counselling progresses.

A good counsellor should only mentor you and counsel you. They most definitely will not want take over your problem and seek to deal with it for you. (I will point you to where you can find one a good one relevant to your issue).

To reinforce the point totally, see a lawyer regarding a problem and he or she will not only advise you and help you, doing things on your behalf to alleviate your problem.

But that’s very different from psychological counselling. As the saying goes, we need to learn to stand on our own two feet, psychologically speaking.

So own your issue and its solution! Only then will you get the best result out of the sessions you have.

Key Test 2:

Having resolved to own your problem, it is then fundamentally important that you commit to embrace the psychology of counselling. Don’t sit waiting for the counsellor to tell you what you should do with your type of issue. What should happen is that you take the chance to hear what you yourself think and what you say aloud about your own issues.

Only then can the counsellor advise you on what best to focus on first and can you yourself get to work on reframing the situation in your mind.

Merely seeing someone professionally in the belief that the visit in itself will do the trick never works. It wastes your money and their time.

So, for each visit, go with the predominant thoughts and worries you have in your mind at that time and share them honestly and fully in the session.

And finally, Key Test 3:

This a trap one must avoid at all costs!

Don’t imagine you can just agree to occasional counselling sessions, never reflecting further in between and your problem will be solved. It won’t!

The truth is that if we want to make changes happen, then we can. But we have to treat the counselling sessions almost as psychological pit-stops, or cognitive refuelling stations. Vital is it that our time between the sessions is planned and allocated partly to thinking, partly to reading and even to talking with confidants where possible.

Change does not come in hourly sessions. It comes in a 24 / 7 commitment to draw on the vast and ever-growing reservoir of wisdom available to us and for us to adopt it into our thinking until it becomes positively habitual.in our behaviour.


So to conclude:
• Always own your problem and its solution, sharing it with your counsellor.
• Listen to what you think and say aloud about it, enabling the counsellor to
point you to the information you need to review.
• Plan time between sessions to think, to read and to share where possible.

I wish you the best of luck.

To find a counsellor go to www.counselling-directory.org.uk It is an excellent resource base.

Sir Gerry Neale has lectured and trained under-graduates and post graduates at the University of Westminster in cognitive thinking. He has mentored courses for corporate strategic planning and how to position the organisation’s thinking and that of the individuals employed by them. He has conducted counselling and life coaching programmes with individuals in person and on-line.

The Government Apology To 130000 People Sent To Australia

I confess I remain astonished at the low level and superficial coverage this story has been given by the Media. The Why's and Wherefor's of the history to this have escaped most people. The reasons why it was all stopped in 1970 and, at whose behest, would give us some better understanding at least as to what the institutional culture had been to have allowed in to continue prior to that for so many years.

Finding help for those back here in the UK the help they need now that the issue is recognised publicly. The inner turmoil and even grief that will have been released by all this is hard to imagine, but helping those in ways they want it, is vitally necessary if they are to live out the rest of their lives more happily.

Children Shipped to Australia To Get Formal Apology, I should think so!

Children shipped to Australia with all the lies and deceit, only then to be compounded by the cruelty and abuse, was surely criminal?

As someone now of retirement age, I find it inconceivable that this process was still going on when I was young man and didn’t stop until I was 29.

The degree of emotional wreckage this must have caused to those involved must be off the Richter scale.

Those who suffered must be listened to and given the help they need.

But what does seem to me to be unavoidably true is that this process, conducted over so many years, eclipses those published abuses against children for which the Catholic Church was responsible.

This policy was known to National Governments and yet it still went on until 1970. And the discovery that children’s care charities knew about it and took part in it beggars belief!

Yes, we understand the cognitive effect of varying forms of abuse on children much better than we did 40 and more years ago. However we must all insist that the full details are made public. Only when the truth is out can we hope to help effectively those who were so abused and mislead.

That Gordon Brown is making an apology should be welcomed, but we should make certain that none of us allow knowingly any similar thing again either on a national or local basis

No Means No Read Timesonline Article Today

To say No means no is a very difficult challenge to todays parents of young children. Any parent should read Daisy Goodwin's excellent article in todays Sunday Times entitled No Means No - Oh Well, all right, yes then. Anything for a quiet life.

It sums up the dilemma almost all parents of young children and those racing into teenagers feel. Guiding and mentoring children peacibly simply is not possible 100% of the time. Their behaviour and intentions have to be corrected or restrained from time to time.

Daisy Goodwin refers to the book "Saying No: Why It's Important For You And Your Child",by Asha Phillips which is a must-read if we are to avoid the possibility of a generation of children reaching adulthood with the conviction that they can do as they want when they want.

To assert that such parents could be guilty of child abuse simply because they avoid correcting their children at all in order to keep the peace in the family household, could in todays terms seem far fetched. Yet without the acknowledgement referred to the article of two key features of child - rearing, we will be in real trouble. Families, it points out, are not democracies, they are hierarchies and as a result parents should constantly strive to hold the high ground of authority.

The second key feature is, as stated, the need to lay down boundaries of behaviour. From the earliest moments of life for a child it begins testing out its boundaries and especially testing the boundaries its parents are committed to. Forget this inborn quest in our young and fail to provide boundaries by showing No Means No, and we create enormous problems for ourselves. Worse we lay the seeds of considerable confusion in the child once an independent adult at to how effectively they relate to others and how they themselves nuture their own children.

The IBSN for the book is 0-571-19352-8

Patricia Is Free From Physical Pain After Dealing With Childhood Abuse! By Olivia Stefanino Olivia Stefanino

Patricia - an accountant with her own practice - had been suffering with a painful shoulder for nearly three years. With her prescribed pain-killers becoming less effective, she had visited her consultant again - but had been dismayed when he'd told her that her only option was a potentially dangerous operation. Not keen on the odds, Patricia had decided to go down the "alternative" route, which is how she came to be sitting in my office.

As soon as Patricia had walked through the door, I felt an immense sadness - coupled with the feeling that something traumatic had happened in her past. As I poured her a coffee, I asked Patricia if she felt weighed down by responsibility in her life. "Absolutely," she said, "as well as the practice, I also run the family home single-handed and make sure that my elderly parents are looked after too. Why do you ask?"

I explained that the mind and body are very strongly connected - and that very often issues that have psychological roots express themselves as pain or problems within the body. "Curiously," I told her, "the body tends to speak in puns. For example people who have difficulty expressing themselves often develop ailments around their throat - which is the area we associate with communication and free speech." Leaning forward in her seat, Patricia looked at me with an intense gaze and softly asked what problem shoulders signified. "It could be one of several things," I replied, "but it's amazing how often shoulder problems seem to be connected with 'shouldering' too much responsibility."

Patricia agreed that the concept made sense - but as I looked deep in her eyes, I had the overwhelming sense that we needed to explore deeper into the pain. I asked Patricia to close her eyes and talked her into a deep state of relaxation. Then, drawing on the techniques used by the ancient shamans, I asked Patricia - in her mind's eye - to travel into her shoulder and describe what she could see. "I see a black pyramid - with a lid." I asked her if it would be safe to remove the lid from the pyramid and as she nodded her response, I directed her to do so.

Immediately Patricia began to sob. After five minutes or so her tears started to subside - and still in a light state of trance she began to talk about how her father had both sexually and physically abused her as a little girl. The tears started again as she recalled her terror. I asked Patricia if she was prepared to do whatever was necessary to free her shoulder from pain. Again she nodded, and together we went through a psycho-dynamic exercise in which she eventually chose to forgive her father, while of course not condoning his actions. Patricia had been quick to realise that only she was being affected by the past, not her father - and that forgiving her father would be her pathway through to freedom.

As we finished the exercise, I asked Patricia to revisit the black pyramid. "Oh," she said, "its smaller now - but its still there." Once again she began to cry, this time more softly. Her voice was heavy when she started to speak. "I have never told anyone about the abuse as I didn't want the family to break up and I thought no one would believe me anyway. But now I'm frightened for my daughters - they don't know what their grandfather is capable of doing and it would hurt them dreadfully if I shattered their image of him. I have tried so hard to make sure that I am always in the room whenever we go to visit him, just so they are protected."

Suddenly I began to understand the real message from her shoulder. Patricia was shouldering the responsibility for protecting her daughters - and her father. But she had left herself out of the equation and now her mind was asking her - through her shoulder pain - to deal with the situation. Adamant that she couldn't tell her daughters the horrible truth, I knew that she had to be shocked into seeing the potential disaster that lay ahead if she kept quiet. "How will you feel if you discover that one of your daughters has been abused by your father - knowing that you could have prevented the situation by being honest?"

A shocked silence lay heavy in the room. "You're right - but it's going to be very hard." I brought Patricia out of her light state of hypnosis and together we worked out a plan for telling her daughters in a way that would protect them but not frighten them.

Patricia left my office looking as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She called me a week later to say that her shoulder pain had eased considerably - and that she was sleeping better than she had for years. A further update a month later revealed that she had gently warned her daughters without going into too much detail - and that her shoulder pain had gone entirely!

Olivia Stefanino is a leadership consultant, speaker and author of the internationally acclaimed management book, "Be Your Own Guru". Interviewed on more than 25 radio stations and featured in "The Guardian", "Natural Health" & "Red", Olivia is a guest columnist for a number of national and international publications. Download your fr*ee e-booklet, "128 ways to harness your personal power!" by visiting http://www.beyourownguru.com

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Olivia Stefanino - EzineArticles Expert Author

Counselling For Toads

An amazing little book in terms of child abuse therapy is one called Counselling For Toads by Robert de Board IBSN 978-0-415-17429-9. It covers counselling of adults relating to dealing with abuse suffered as a child, but interestingly it does it all through a metaphor of animals not humans discussing the issues that arise. It's another play on Toad of Toad Hall and other animals.

I am all in favour of encouraging any medium which encourages individuals at any age to revisit their childhood and face out the unresolved issues which they have lived with ever since. Recovery is achievable!

Who is Your Inner Child?

In case you might be new to the concept of the Inner Child I thought you might benefit from a brief introduction based on the classic news formula of who/what/when/where/why.

"Who" is the Inner Child

Your Inner Child is who you were as a child, even though now you are an adult. It represents one half of the ongoing "inner conversations" happening between your Inner Parent and your Inner Child. Your Inner Child is uniquely you, more private and personal than any other aspect of your being.

Your Inner Child is not "the ego" as typically described by psychology. This title would go to the Inner Parent who, like an outer parent to the best of its ability, is in charge of taking care of and guiding your Inner Child through this crazy experience called your life.

Your Inner Parent has the leadership position for the two voices and is the self that deals primarily with your life's day-to-day outer tasks and activities. Like an outer parent, it can do this in a superbly functional way, or it can completely forgo its responsibilities leaving the Inner Child to run amuck with no supervision or guidance whatsoever.

"What" is the Inner Child?

The Inner Child is your joyful, playful, friendly, excitable, emotional, romantic, curious, feeling side. Depending on your mood, energy level, and what is going on in your outer life, this could be reflected by positive or negative emotions. An easy way to understand your Inner Child is simply to know or observe outer children ages 0-12. At any various moments in time, your Inner Child could experience any age range.

Like an outer child, the Inner Child would normally be the happy, fun-loving, and adventurous part of you looking to explore life and all its facets with energy and enthusiasm. It would be the self who falls in love with music, art, and people. It would be attracted to bright shiny objects, exciting adventures, and newness for the sake of newness.

"When" is the Inner Child?

Your Inner Child is all day, every day, from morning until night, Monday through Sunday, from birth to death. Your Inner Child is constantly active within your Inner Conversations UNLESS, it has somehow been neglected (initially by your outer parents and now by YOU) or abused (again outer parenting or perhaps drug or alcohol addictions) to the point where your Inner Child has simply shut down or given up.

Although complete shutdown can happen thankfully, it is rare. Yet, each of us could have some parts of our Inner Child which have been hurt to a point of closing down or turning away from what were once joyful activities. Hurt and heartache are painful, and it would be natural to shy away from experiences that have been painful in the past.

Another aspect of the Inner Child is when you become aware of its intuitive element. As such, your Inner Child is in touch with people and events around the globe IF the Inner Parent is sensitive enough to listen and tune into your Inner Child's ability. The Inner Child is also the inner self responsible for and connected to your memories.

However, just because your Inner Child is potentially accessible, it does not mean that it is present and accounted for in your daily life. This is where it is up to you, as the Inner Parent, to be conscious of and collaborative with your Inner Child so that it feels not only allowed, but invited and respected as an important participant of who you are in the outside world.

"Where" is the Inner Child?

How can you find or locate your Inner Child? "Where is he/she" is perhaps the most important aspect of the Inner Child to consider. As mentioned earlier your Inner Child is one half of the internal dialogue called your Inner Conversations. Yet how can you tell which voice is which?

These inner voices can be tricky to access since your Inner Conversations are estimated to take place at a rate of 800 to 1000 words a minute. However, it is possible to slow down your Inner Conversations and learn to identify which voice is which.

The easiest and most successful way is to begin a series of half-hour sessions in which you, as the Inner Parent, sit down with your Inner Child and ask questions allowing your Inner Child to answer however it likes.

"Why" is the Inner Child?

All humans of every race, culture, and religion are "Self-Parenting" their Inner Child, even if they are not aware of this consciously. Why is this the way our mind works? This borders on the philosophical or religious and usually I don't talk about this topic. However, to complete this discussion with the big "why" question based on the 5-W's of the Inner Child, let me suggest one option.

From my view, the Inner Child is one aspect of our triune selves, who, teamed up with our Inner Parent (ego self) and Higher Self (spiritual self), work as one to learn and grow from the various people and life experiences we encounter.

Not many people know that the first comprehensive definition of the Inner Child, with all its aspects and powers, came from the work of Max Freedom Long, who wrote the book, The Secret Science at Work. He was interested in how the Hawaiian priests class (the Kahunas) were able to perform their extraordinary methods of healing.

Max researched and deciphered the linguistic elements of the Hawaiian language to explain the healing system of the Hawaiian priests in modern terms, which he called Huna. One of the components of this system was the "three selves", which he termed the Lower Self, Middle Self, and High Self.

Once I connected the Lower Self to be exactly like a child in 1970, I begin looking for established outer parenting teachings to apply to this "inner child." Lucky for me there was an awesome system for outer parenting developed in my hometown called, P.E.T. by Thomas Gordon. His book was very helpful for understanding outer Parenting methods

After my book was released in the US and Australia, many authors and speakers jumped on the "inner child" bandwagon with their books and programs. However, they were still one or two generations behind the unique understanding of what Max Freedom Long discovered combined with the system modeled from P.E.T. for getting to know your "Inner Child." Unless you practice the SELF-PARENTING Program for an ongoing period, you won't truly know the value and power of these methods.

I hope you enjoyed this news-style summary of the Inner Child and how this concept was made public for the first time. Since 1987, there have been various systems and authors, who claim to have developed these methods but the SELF-PARENTING Program stands alone for originality and commitment to the daily practice of healing your Inner Child.
You can get more information and background on healing your Inner Child along with step-by-step guidelines for moving from the Newbie Practitioner to Intermediate level of Self-Parenting, which most people can achieve with 3-6 months of daily practice. For more information go to http://www.selfparenting.com/ to opt-in and download your step-by-step plan.

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How to Get Over Childhood Stress and Abuse - The Process of Healing by Gudrun Frerichs

It has been clear for some time that childhood experiences become part of a child's neurological physiology and over time, through re-enforcement and repetition form aspects of its personality structure. The task of recovery is to stop the process of repetition and re-enforcement of the unwanted beliefs, thoughts, and behaviours and to encourage new, positive ways of being in this world. Thus new neuro-pathways need to be created (if you remember that has to happen through experience!!) or if they exist but are just faint connections they have to be strengthened through more and regular traffic. At the same time it has to be avoided to go down the familiar path of neuro-connections that are negative and unhelpful so that they wither away.

To build new, positive connections we need to create a situation that mimics to some extend the situation between parent and child. This can take place is by engaging with a therapist who is able to create positive, supportive, and therapeutic experiences. As the client musters the courage to talk about the hurt, the pain, and the victories, the therapist will focus intently and intensively on what is missing and what is needed, will be predictable, reliable, understanding, supportive, encouraging, clarifying, and accepting the client.

He or she will be there when you get distressed while you talk about the things that stressed you in the past, and will assist you in getting through this distress. In doing so, you will acquire regulation skills and distress tolerance. You will be validated and things will be put in perspective for you. Your negative beliefs about you will be challenged and you will start seeing yourself in a different light.

These are the most important aspects that make talking therapies work by creating new, positive neuro pathways. So the relationship you develop with the therapist holds the key to healing and recovery. While you explore in your sessions the things that most hinder you like saying NO to people, getting close to others, speaking your mind, meeting new people, abstaining from drugs or alcohol, you will be guided to learn skills that help you to be more assertive, be more direct, be more open, be less afraid ... and so forth.

As your confidence grows you'll find that you are less shy and more able to stretch out of your comfort zone. The more you trust your therapist that she/he knows what she/he is doing, the more you will become willing and able to try out things that used to be scary or didn't feel right.

It doesn't really matter what kind of methods are used by the therapist you work with. Well, it matters that you are comfortable with the methods. In general, all that matters is the relationship as described above. Because, in a way, you are forming a new SELF, a you that knows deep in your heart that you are OK, that you deserve to be treated well, and that you are able to insure people do treat you with consideration, respect, and appreciation.

While you can learn about things from a book, you can not build a stronger SELF through a book or get it from a pill. The development of the self is an interactive process between two people who give recognition to each other. You only know who you are when you see yourself through the eyes of another person that is important to you. If that person appreciates you, you feel good. If that person is nasty to you, you feel distressed.

Do you need to go to a therapist to have such an experience? Not necessarily. But not many people have someone in their lives who is willing - for an extended length of time - to focus exclusively on your needs so that you can develop the neuro-pathways needed to be happy and content with your life.

Gudrun Frerichs, PhD is the director and founder of Psychological Resolutions Ltd. Visit her website http://www.psychologicalresolutions.co.nz for information about counselling, coaching, psychotherapy, and training courses for professional and personal development. You will find relationship solutions through advanced communication skills. Instead of learning "communication by numbers" you will be taken on a step by step journey to emotional intelligence (self-awreness, self-management, understanding others, and managing others).

Are you struggling with communication in your relationships and would you like to learn about proven and effective steps to a successful navigating your relationship? Get your free 7 Step Mini Course "The Secret to Successful Relationships" by following the link http://gfrerichs.typepad.com/gudrunfrerichs/2008/10/free-mini-course-the-secret-of-successful-relationships.html Enroll Now!

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Childhood Abuse Therapy and Home Coming by John Bradshaw

I have just finished an excellent book called Home Coming by John Bradshaw. This is an excellent book in the quest to revisit and re-evaluate our childhood and help to free us from behavioural patterns we established as children. It proves yet again that we can have suffered as children from our parent's socially acceptable behaviour at that time in just as crippling a way as those suffering severe physical abuse.

Identifying and understanding your own "inner child" will stimulate a great sense of relief and liberation within you

It is published by Piatkus IBSN 978-0-7499-1054-9. Please make sure you read it willingly and take part in the exercises in the book with an open mind. Do not read this or any matter on the subject simply because you feel you ought to. Merely by placing that sense of obligation on yourself, you will will not be as receptive to the information.

Good luck!

Psychological Effects of Child Abuse

Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child abuse often become child abusers themselves or can become perpetrators of violent crimes. Many inmates in our jails and prisons have been victims of child abuse. Though the psychological effects of child abuse cannot be reversed, through counseling a child can learn more appropriate coping skills in dealing with their pain and anger.

Some psychological effects of child abuse are:

* Withdrawal from friends

* Low self esteem

* Timid and unsure of themselves

* Aggressive/hostile

* Angry

* Poor relationships with peers and/or the opposite sex

* Engaging in drugs and/or alcohol

* Poor school performance

* No interests

* No goals

Minimize the psychological effects of child abuse with therapy

In order to help a child who is suffering from the psychological effects of child abuse therapy is a great place to start. A therapist will assist a child in dealing with the psychological effects of child abuse to hopefully break the cycle of abuse.

Eliminate the psychological effects of child abuse by seeking help

If you, or your partner, are abusing your child seek help immediately. If your partner is the abuser you should consider moving you and your child to a safe and supportive environment. If you and your partner are the abusers, to prevent further damaging psychological effects of child abuse, you might want to consider having your child stay with a family member or close friend while you get the help and support you need.

Psychological Effects Of Child Abuse Resources

* Anger management classes

* Parenting classes

* Therapy and drug / alcohol treatment (if necessary)

Prevent The Psychological Effects Of Child Abuse

If you are a new parent who has suffered the psychological effects of child abuse as a child, you might want to seek out parenting classes. Parenting classes will enable you to learn appropriate tools and techniques to minimize the psychological effects of child abuse when parenting your child. It is also important for you to take care of yourself and know your limits. Work on building a healthy support network that you could rely on when life is overwhelming you. It is up to you to break the cycle of abuse and not allow your child to experience any of the psychological effects of child abuse. You will be thankful that you did.

Lisa Dunning is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Specializing in Parent/Child Relationship issues and author of "Good Parents Bad Parenting: How To Parent Together When Your Parenting Styles Are Worlds Apart".

Lisa Dunning is a columnist for Las Vegas Family Magazine & Los Angeles Family Magazine and provides expert relationship and parenting advice for television and radio programs throughout the country.

To learn more about Lisa Dunning, her parenting book and other services, visit her website at http://www.LisaDunningMFT.com

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Read How to deal with Child Abuse

One of the most important sources of private and personal help is to read about the types of experience other people had as children and how the professional experts in the fields of psychology and cognitive thinking would have the sufferer address it.

By reading anything relevant to the subject, it opens up our minds and it challenges the denial that exists in so many adults, despite the fact that the suffering they endured may have been decades ago.

It is true, that reading and understanding are not the same as actually behaving differently and more freely, but it is a tremendous start. The very act of buying and sitting down with a book on the subject reveals to the reader a personal willingness to begin to face what happened. It also constitutes the makings of that vital wish deep within to address it.

One book is excellent to start the process of using one’s mind to crack apart the emotional denial. "Families and How To Survive Them" is a great way to start to understand the psychological and cognitive forces at work in a family.

It is written as a conversation between a well known British actor, John Cleese and a friend and mentor Robin Skynner” SBN 10-07-49314109 Published by Cedar Books. It is chatty and very down to earth. Happy reading!

How To Mindcrack The Damaging Impact Of Child Abuse and Family Dysfunction

If we believe deeply we are still suffering from the impact on us of our parents’ behaviour towards us, we have the choice whether to deal with it or whether to continue to screen it out.

If instead, and since our childhood, we have been in total denial that it ever occurred, we may know it only deep in our hearts and we still leave it buried inside us, unattended.

There is one key point relating to ever coming to terms with it which is unassailably true.

It is this: if someone is trying to make you review it or face it, that will never ever work. Believe it or not, even if you, yourself, believe you ought to analyse it, but don’t really want to, then you will never review and analyse it properly either. The “ought to” loses out to the “not wanting to” everytime.

For us to fully come to terms with the impact of this behaviour on us as children and then as adults, we need to develop the wish, the want to deal with it all - and without condition. It will not be without fear or anxiety! That’s too much to expect.

So often, if we look at a challenge facing us it seems like a mountain too high to climb. Pushing from where we are just has too much baggage attached.

Yet focus on the rewards to us in mind, body and spirit if we do go through it willingly and we can see them to be immense. We would be free of the burden, the baggage, the hurt, the guilt, the shame and the doubt in ourselves. It needs that vivid visualisation of how our own very soul would be released and how we could live a happier life.

These are the dynamics to the mindcracking process: the wanting and the visualising of the process done. That’s what builds the strength of our will and determination. That’s what will pull us through the early difficulties of coming to terms with it.

And this is true of any goal or mission. Want it enough; see and feel it enough and it lives in us until it’s done!

Good luck on your path to greater happiness!

Gerry Neale

What is Child Abuse and How Does it Affect Us Long Term?

Child Abuse occurs all the time, but it is hidden behind closed doors and not spoken about unless a young child dies. It is the most hidden of mental illness. Half the criminal population in jails today or alcoholics and drug addicts on the streets today are products of child abuse. Some forms of child abuse are physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, and, as Mackenzie Phillips has written about in her book, Incest.

As a child growing up with a disability, everyday of my childhood I was hit for some reason by my father. At 12 years of age I remember being sent to school crying and upset--just because I had to be there when the doors opened. A friend asked me who hit me--she wanted to beat them up for hurting me. My answer was -- my father. Back then it was looked at as a harsh form of discipline, today when this occurs a social worker is sent to the home to find out what is going on and DFAC's gets involved with the family. Because there are not enough case workers often children fall through the cracks and eventually end up seriously injured or dead. If they survive they become abusers themselves or they turn to drug and alcohol to cope.

I was a child growing up in the '50's and '60's. The '50's was a very conservative era so children with disabilities were hidden away and child abuse was never talked about. Then in the '60's you had the Vietnam war. Many of the boys who fought in this war came back drug addicts. They were also the original dealers of drugs. This was when the young started becoming more liberal in their thinking and more active in politics. It was the Kennedy era. Clinton, Bush, and Obama are products of this era. Taking drugs was accepted so no one thought anything of it. It was commonly used by entertainers and hippies of this era. Many of them were runaways from home because of abuse and turned to drugs while on the streets.

Only after the Manson followers killings did law enforcement get involved and the attitudes about drug abuse started to change. In the Mental Health field training for counseling and therapy in hospitals is for drug and alcohol abuse. Today, we know more about why people turn to drugs and alcohol so we talk more about child abuse. But Incest is still the taboo subject. I have a friend that's a social worker in the school system. Even she says many of the problem students in the schools today are Incest victims.

Only when victims of child abuse open up and talk about their experience can they get beyond the psychological damage and form good relationships both personally and professionally. I talk about communication and its importance in your profession. I often say these skills are learned in the home around the dinner table. When there is emotional and verbal abuse a child who is normally introverted will build fears around speaking out and opening up--eventually to turn to drugs and alcohol because that helps take away inhibitions. Eventually this becomes a crutch that they depend on to open up and express their feeling. That is why in therapy there are many layers to get through before you get to the real truth of their problems.

Depending on your natural behavior patterns you deal with child abuse differently. There have been movies made about multiple personalities--which is often a result of early childhood traumas such as sexual abuse or Incest. Until society understands there is an epidemic around child abuse and the Mental Health field publishes more articles around this subject it will continue to be a taboo subject and we will never be able to control the homelessness of mental health patients who forget to get treatment or take their medication.

People with disabilities will continue to be abused by the system until they begin to demand their rights in employment. In a way, victims of child abuse who seek help for drug and alcohol abuse, can be considered disabled and seek assistance for employment easier than people who were born with disabilities.

For years many of these topics were hidden away and not spoken about. Recently you've seen celebrities publish books and openly admit to incest and sexual abuse in the news. What has happened as a result are that many people went through these experiences themselves are now talking about this issue and this has brought this to the forefront. When you face up to and deal with issues that you have hidden away behind closed doors that you can get to the real problems face them and get beyond them to live a full product life knowing you will no longer have to turn to the drugs and alcohol and can have a full productive life in both your personal and professional lives knowing you will not have to worry about falling off the wagon or returning to the addictive behaviors of drug and alcohol abuse.

Our brain controls our thinking but happiness comes from within us. If we learn to dislike ourselves then we sabotage our success; if we love and respect ourselves then we believe we can succeed then we will try every avenue possible to succeed without giving up until we reach our goals. You have to decide for yourself whether you will seek the help to overcome your demons or whether you will give up and stay where you are.

For me, Success is My Only Option! For you, What are your Option?

I have an AAS in Mental Health, BS in psychology, and credits towards an MS in rehabilitation counseling. I attended Toastmasters where I took part in their leadership training by participating in different roles to run the meeting plus I achieved both the CTM and ATM certifications. I attended NSA-GA chapter meetings and participated in their mentoring program. I attended the American seminar leaders Association University where I received the CSL certification.

I participated in the storesonline Internet marketing program and learn how to optimize SEO. I am an Inscape publishing distributor and use their assessment profiles to work with clients on communication, working in teams, leadership, listening, time management, stress management, diversity, sales and management training. My company is Career Performance Institute and I offer home study programs, teleseminars, boot camp's or mentoring programs, advocacy, organizational, technology, life, and career coaching that talks about how I overcame the child abuse in the home to find personal success in my professional life. I have a radio show on.

I have written a book titled No One Stands In Line to Become Disabled. As a distributor with Inscape Publishing distributor I am a supplier of training program to companies and have presented Train-the-Trainer programs. My specialty is helping clients find their passion and creating a career for themselves from their passion.
http://www.1personalcareercoach.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/careerperformanceinstitute

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