To say No means no is a very difficult challenge to todays parents of young children. Any parent should read Daisy Goodwin's excellent article in todays Sunday Times entitled No Means No - Oh Well, all right, yes then. Anything for a quiet life.
It sums up the dilemma almost all parents of young children and those racing into teenagers feel. Guiding and mentoring children peacibly simply is not possible 100% of the time. Their behaviour and intentions have to be corrected or restrained from time to time.
Daisy Goodwin refers to the book "Saying No: Why It's Important For You And Your Child",by Asha Phillips which is a must-read if we are to avoid the possibility of a generation of children reaching adulthood with the conviction that they can do as they want when they want.
To assert that such parents could be guilty of child abuse simply because they avoid correcting their children at all in order to keep the peace in the family household, could in todays terms seem far fetched. Yet without the acknowledgement referred to the article of two key features of child - rearing, we will be in real trouble. Families, it points out, are not democracies, they are hierarchies and as a result parents should constantly strive to hold the high ground of authority.
The second key feature is, as stated, the need to lay down boundaries of behaviour. From the earliest moments of life for a child it begins testing out its boundaries and especially testing the boundaries its parents are committed to. Forget this inborn quest in our young and fail to provide boundaries by showing No Means No, and we create enormous problems for ourselves. Worse we lay the seeds of considerable confusion in the child once an independent adult at to how effectively they relate to others and how they themselves nuture their own children.
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About Me
- Gerry Neale
- I have been fascinated for years by the ever-increasing research data emerging on the ways we can pattern our thinking to our benefit or our loss. Often we do not realise we have done it or what triggered it. Its origins can lay in our childhood or in our more recent past.It can affect dramatically how we can cope with change, trauma or taking on a new role or starting a new business or activity. I am intrigued by the discovery of cognitive tools which adults can use to rid themselves of the effects of inhibiting behaviour. It can inhibit a person in their performance at work as well as at play. I write and mentor on these topics, tailoring cognitive solutions for people and seek to promote any person or institution doing the same thing. I have written a novel called "Squaring Circles: From The Dark Into The Light", which I am excited about and it was published in June 2011 in paperback.
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